I was putting Miracle Gro around my tomato plants when Billy Bob called. Billy Bob is a liberal who likes to yank my chain. “I guess you heard,” he yelled. “That idiot Trump wants everybody to drink bleach! I heard it on CNN. And Biden is leading Trump by 15 points in the polls. How you like those apples, big boy?”

“Well, for starters,” I told him. “The last time CNN told the truth, Gen. Patton was fighting the Germans in Europe and your granddaddy was carrying your grandmother’s books at school. As for drinking bleach, I think that’s just for people named Pelosi or Schumer.”

I’ve seen those polls that show Biden leading Trump by double digits, but aren’t these the same people who told us Hillary Clinton would win with 90% of the vote? Poor old Joe Biden is at least 15 years beyond his sell-by date. He’s pitiful. Half the time Uncle Joe doesn’t know what state or country he’s in.

Back to the phone call. Billy Bob hates Trump. He doesn’t know why he hates Trump, but every day the media tells him Trump and his supporters are just a bunch of poor, ignorant, flag-waving, brain dead, right wing lowlifes who won’t admit we need to kill all our cows to save the planet. Billy Bob is a hog farmer, so he’s OK with killing our cows.

Well, the Trump hating is about to end. You see, Billy Bob loves guns. All kinds of guns. Pistols, rifles, shotguns. If he could find ammo, Billy Bob would own a shoulder fired rocket launcher and a Civil War cannon. Guns are his pets. Just before the election, I’m going to tell Billy Bob that, if Biden wins, people will come to take his guns and throw his sorry butt in jail.

That will do it!

Billy Bob’s temper tantrum will be heard as far away as eastern Canada. He will scream nonstop, pull his hair, bust out windows, smash the furniture and kick the walls. Then, come November, Billy Bob will march into the polling place and proudly cast his vote for our president, Donald J. Trump.

Ain’t life good!

God bless America.

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